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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2006.10.25  12.28
I'm in love...

with roller derby. If I could marry roller derby, I would. We would register at the local skate shop and have the reception at the skating rink.


  2006.05.06  10.38

somehow knowing that we're both liars doesn't make me less angry.


  2006.04.21  23.26
life is never, ever how i expect it to be

and that's ok. i'm getting used to the curves. at least now i can laugh at the absurd situations i end up in.


  2006.04.07  18.30
yeah, i just compared myself to jesus.

i'll be back in indy a week from sunday... so i'll be returning on easter, how's that for symbolism?


  2006.02.28  23.30

its decided. i'm moving back to indy in may. i'll spend the summer in bloomington and then... who knows?


  2006.02.12  21.51

what can be more fun than making your straight guy friends watch episodes of queer as folk?? i can't think of anything


  2006.01.14  11.11

i looked at the car parked next to mine in the parking lot of my apartment. it had bullet holes in the back. bullet holes! i did a double take and with my eyes wide i stared at it for a while. until i realized they were just stickers that looked like bullet holes. i felt relieved, sort of.


  2005.12.12  15.23

i will be home january 5th through the 9th. its not quite christmas but at least its somewhat close. i expect you all to visit me! that is all.


  2005.11.17  09.47

part of getting older is realizing that every story has at least two sides. nothing is simple.


  2005.11.09  11.42

i'm in love with this band i saw at the thrice show. they're called Veda. if you're interested go to www.weareveda.com and check them out. the singer sounds somewhere between bjork and the girl from frente. i bought their cd and you should too. their van and trailer got stolen with all their stuff inside but they still rock.


  2005.11.03  09.48
National Novel Writing Month, aka NaNoWriMo


i'm having so much fun with this thing! apparently there are writing groups here in charlotte (and all over the country for that matter) that meet up in a coffee shop and type for hours, all in once big group, with no talking allowed. how wonderfully bizarre! i can't wait to go next week...


  2005.11.02  12.58

why is it whenever people are talking about living in a bad neighborhood it turns out they live in mine? i'm learning how to cook at work (insert laughter here) because they actually had to shut down the restaurant one night because one cook refused to miss his golf game and the other cooks called in sick. i was supposed to work that night but i had to go home with no money because there was no food for me to serve. so, i said teach me how to cook so that it won't happen again.

i've decided to do this national novel writing month thing. i picked up a book called write a novel in 30 days thinking yeah, right. but it turns out its this thing some guy started where in november people all over the place write 50,000 word novels due by the end of the month. my curiosity was piqued. oddly enough, i picked up this book on oct. 31st and the novel month was due to start the next day. so i figured... why not? let's see what happens. i started yesterday and so far its kinda fun. especially knowing that its ok for it to turn out to be utter crap. weird thing is, i'm setting it in indiana because well, that's what i know but also i think there aren't enough stories written about indiana. and i'm feeling oddly nostalgic. could it be that someday i'll return to indy? that thought would have horrified me as a teenager, or even as a college student.

i'm not thrilled with charlotte yet, but then i'm spending most of my time trying to make ends meet. once things pick up maybe i'll get to see some of the arty stuff around here. there's all kinds of stuff going on right now but i can't afford to go.. cirque de soleil is here and so is eve ensler (of the vagina monologues). i am, however, breaking the bank to go see thrice on sunday. i'm so excited. i'm going with a guy i work with who is fun to hang out with. i like the people i work with. just wish i actually made money at work. i'm all excited to see thrice though... go hardcore!


  2005.10.18  13.58

1. Saw a magazine at work today with the title American Cowboy. On the cover is... you guessed it, mr. W bush himself. Apparently he has declared a national day of the cowboy. Do we get vacation days for that?

2. Learned i live in "the ghetto", that pizza will not be delivered there because the deliverymen are scared of it. apparently a police officer told another girl who just moved in that he wouldn't go there if he didn't have to. safe and secure, that's me.

3. I applied online for a few real jobs that actually looked interesting. Now, I'm not deceiving myself by imagining that applying online to jobs actually yields results. But still, the idea that there are jobs out there that don't involve a uniform (even if it is just black pants and a button down shirt--that's still a uniform) and waiting talbes... it made me feel a little better.

4. Not totally thrilled about this place. Feel like a taxi driver much of the time. Got to drive the girl to school and work. Public transportation here is a joke and i wouldn't want the girl stand at the bus stop with the guys holding 40s in paper bags anyhow. Sometimes I think wistfully of moving back to Indiana. Hopefully this will pass as my whole goal in the first place was to move out of that state.

5. I want a cat. Now, dammit. 2 cats. But I can't afford one right now. Its a 300 dollar pet deposit to have 2 cats and that's more than my rent. Well, if the girl pays her half of the rent this month. Let's hope for that.

6. Why am I numbering things? I'm not really sure... sorry about the pessimism and all. Hopefully things will look up soon.


  2005.09.03  15.08

oh yeah baby. i got approved for my apartment, finally. all on my own, no cosigners, nothing. its a small victory for me. so i'm moving out on the 13th. 13 seems like a lucky number to me. not too sure how i'm moving all my stuff though... but i guess i'd best figure that out soon. so off to charlotte i will go. wish me luck.


  2005.08.26  11.11
trials of a nomad

yes, it is true. i'm fleeing the state. the beaches and i do not agree with each other. once i went swimming and was chased by a school of fish. i'm sure they were having vicious thoughts about me. i'm still as pale as when i came to florida a year ago. go me. so in a few weeks i will be off to charlotte, nc. i hear they have winter there. strangely, i miss having 4 distict seasons. and i won't mind the lack of hurricanes. now if i only knew what i were going to do once i get there.. but one thing at a time, i think.

soon my illustrious career as a waitress will be over. and then maybe my view on humanity as a whole will improve. i'm exaggerating, but only somewhat.

i saw a great movie: kontroll. its set entirely in the underground subway system of budapest. go see it. or rent it. i think its coming out on video soon.


  2005.06.15  09.33
viva la treehugger

last night i watched the fabulous movie JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER! its a classic in its own mind, and a musical too! it was given to me by my wonderful girlfriend who encourages my weirdness. i've been trying to make her watch the original star wars movies as she's never seen them but my vcr is tempermental and apparently has an issue with the return of the jedi. its sad.

started yet another new job. really, someday i'll grow up. just not in the next few months. at the moment i'm just trying to save up some bank so i can move to charlotte in august or september. we went there on the way to indiana and i love it there. its so clean! the girlfriend loves the school she'll take classes at and we found an apartment complex we want to rent from. now its the getting there part that's hard. not to mention i traded in the big evil SUV for a super tiny car that looks like a toy. but gets amazingly better gas mileage. i can finally be all environmentally-friend(lier) again. viva la treehugger.

the visit to indiana was interesting... saw family and friends and the new baby stella josephine who doesn't do much as yet but i plan to be a terrible influence as she gets older. she seemed rather fond of chewing on my girlfriend's finger.

i'm finding that being an adult is not so fun. the whole bill-paying need to find a real job and get out of the restaurant business thing is a little taxing. so to that i saw grrrowr and plan to grow up after i move to charlotte. really, i will, maybe.


  2005.05.14  23.50

i miss sleep. i discovered that i can drive a car, hold a conversation, and have my eyes open, all while asleep and at the same time. not a revelation i really ever wanted to have. only 2 more weeks and i'm off to indiana (and blessedly unemployed, as one job is a temp and the other i turned in my resignation today).

my girlfriend is a pirate. i'm dating a pirate! i think this is awesome.


  2005.04.27  13.45

reading newsweek i learned that some beetle researchers have officially named newly discovered species of beetles after bush, cheney, and rumsefeld. i'm a little frightened. but then, they are beetles. and i hope some day to step on the beetle rumsfeldi or cheyni.

in other news, my girlfriend has been told by her apartment complex that i can't spend the night or she will be evicted. apparently she can't have anyone spend the night, ever. nice lease. i think one of the roommates complained.

yesterday i got a call, got a job, and lost it, all in the span of an hour. odd? yes. but all without ever meeting me so i can't take it too personally.

i'm off to indiana in one month. i'm bringing the little woman with me. it will be much fun. we're going to see the new rugrat and visit bloomington as well. you all must come to visit. :)


  2005.03.05  16.06
when life sucks

and you just want to give up, that's when you see how great your friends really are. thank you guys, for always being there, for talking to me when i need someone just to listen, for letting me know that someone cares. life really would suck without you.


  2005.02.19  12.01

the cure for depression is a new tattoo. or at least it makes one forget for a bit.


  2003.10.22  20.37
oh, my sides!

you have to look at this.



  2003.09.19  13.01
my day of pain

in an hour and a half i'll be going in to get all four of my wisdom teeth taken out. and they're only giving me some flimsy painkiller to take care of the pain. great. come on, give me some vicodin or percocet or something equally fog-inducing. i want to wake up a week later and be completely healed. i'm going to lay on my couch and watch buffy reruns all weekend. anyone who wants to come and laugh at chipmunk me is welcome to join.
in better times, i went to go see the raveonettes and stellastarr last night at the patio. it was a good show, although i was super tired from getting up at 7 for field work. next week is the last week of field work. then i'm office bound for the winter.
i'm not allowed to eat anything before the surgery but that's only making me really hungry. and i'm sure i'm not going to want much afterwards. jenn mailed me some pudding cups and a copy of bowling for columbine. she's so sweet.
wish me luck!


  2003.09.14  19.26
things that alarm me

I was reading this article about how the Patriot Act can be used for purposes other than averting terrorism. The article pointed something else out:

"Critics also say the government has gone too far in charging three U.S. citizens as enemy combatants, a power presidents wield during wartime that is not part of the Patriot Act. The government can detain such individuals indefinitely without allowing them access to a lawyer."

The problem I have with this is that we never officially declared war. I guess that's gone out of style. Can you really declare war on "terrorism"? Its a war that will never end unless we someday live either in a utopia or a police state. The first is implausible, the second is frightening. Sometimes I think I'll wake up and realize I've been dreaming of "1984" when I hear about activist bookstores being raided under the guise of fire code violations, people detained indefinitely for purposes that we are told cannot be revealed because of threats to national security, spy planes flying over my school like they did last year (as reported in the newspaper), and libraries being forced to give up their records of books signed out without a specific reason.
These are the things we never thought could happen to us.
Sometimes I still find myself hoping I'll wake up.
It doesn't have to be this way. Maybe the decision-makers will wake up, wise up to see that taking away basic rights may seem helpful in the short run, but will ultimately mar what we've been so proud of in our country.
I want to love my country, not be in fear of it.


  2003.09.10  20.07
that pesky bill of rights...

latest news quote that makes me pissed off:

from salon.com:

The United States wants to hold most of the suspected terrorists at a prison camp in Cuba for the duration of the war on terrorism instead of trying them before military tribunals, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said Wednesday.

Rumsfeld said the 660 or so men held at the Guantanamo Bay naval base are imprisoned not as punishment but ‘‘to keep them from going back and fighting again and killing people." He said most would be held until the global war on terrorism is over -- a fight that Rumsfeld has said could last years, if not decades.

The defense secretary said he expects some suspects to be tried before military tribunals but prefers that most continue to be imprisoned indefinitely.

‘‘Our interest is in not trying them and letting them out," he said in a question-and-answer session after a speech to the National Press Club. ‘‘Our interest is in -- during this global war on terror -- keeping them off the streets, and so that's what's taking place."

The Guantanamo Bay detention center holds prisoners from 42 countries detained for alleged links to Osama bin Laden's al-Qaida terror network or the ousted Afghan Taliban regime that sheltered it. They include three teenagers whom the military may recommend for release soon.

President Bush has designated six of the men, including two Britons and an Australian, as possible candidates for military trials. Pentagon prosecutors still must determine whether any of the six will be charged, and Bush has the final say over whether they will go to trial, continue to be held, or be released to other countries.

Rumsfeld said the Defense Department is ready to go ahead with trials if Bush decides on that option.

‘‘We have the apparatus arranged, ready, and we have a very fine group of advisers as to how to do it in the event it has to be done," he said. ‘‘But for the moment, we don't have any candidates."

The detentions have caused an uproar in Britain and some other U.S. allies whose citizens are being held in Guantanamo Bay. After protests from British Prime Minister Tony Blair and others, the United States agreed that the British and Australian suspects would not be subject to the death penalty and would be exempt from some rules their governments found objectionable.

In the United States, groups including the American Bar Association have condemned some of the same rules, such as one allowing military officials to eavesdrop on conversations between terrorist suspects and their defense lawyers.

Human rights groups and countries of detained foreigners also have criticized the United States for refusing to designate the detainees as prisoners of war under international treaties.


Can you count the number of rights being violated by this?


  2003.09.01  11.37
christina aguilera rocks my world

ok, i was a little embarassed to be going to the christina aguilera and justin timberlake concert. deria and i were just about the oldest people there, unless you count the moms.
but the show was just awesome. that girl can sing! not to mention the uh.. stage show was pretty great too. although i think my eyes got huge when she did genie in a bottle because she came out strapped to a giant X. at one point she ran around in a bustier with tassles on it. another time in short shorts. basically what i'm saying is: it was hot. and she played fighter, by far my favorite of her songs.
justin was ok. i know deria and all the teenage girls loved him because they were screaming at the top of their lungs (the girls, not deria). lots of little girls wearing "justin for president" or "I love justin" or just a t-shirt with one letter of his name so that they could line up with their friends to spell it out. justin at least knew where he was because he kept yelling out variations of "how are you doing indianapolis?"
christina sang beautiful last and came out wearing a t-shirt and jeans and she was still hot. she sang the first verse acapella and it was amazing.
we had a great time.. tease me all you like!

at the moment, the pond behind our house is coming close to flooding us out... its up past the trees in our backyard. my dad caught a fish... in the street! he tried to put it back in the pond but it died. my dog is outside running amok. i have to go check to see if the basement is flooding yet. wish me luck!


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